Saturday, November 27, 2004
When the City Sleeps, I walk Alone with my Shadow
Have anyone ever have this feeling? Had a great fun in a big party, mingled with heaps friends and new people, walked out the party with few of your friends who go the same direction to home, grabbed food at mid-night, talked about funny people on the street, took the night ride bus with them.
And once you got off the bus, which is the point you separated with your friends, in other words, you are alone now. started walking home in the dark, well... most of the time you will think how cool the days you had; sometimes you think what you gonna do tomorrow; and there's always a time you think absolutely nothing.
The question is: When you think nothing, what are you thinking?
Feeling is horrible, horrible that you have nothing thinking in your head, I should put it this way, you are actually controlling yourself not to think certain things. This moment, when you thinking nothing, probably you have enough thinking about the good time you had, or maybe you are just too tired. (but I think you still think while you are tired) Thus, all you have left is the bad things, things that fuck you up and you have been trying not to think about it. ( I believe everyone must have one or two, you are super lucky if you have none, if you really have none.)
You had nothing to think, but all those bad things just flooded all over in your body. Is that a sign telling us maybe we shouldn't be too happy? If there's really have Karma that comes around goes around, perhaps we are damned. Thinking back all those shit, it was like tasting the vomit that you kept in the plastic bag. Sorry for being so graphical, but this is the point - it's digusting.
Sometimes you may think... "fuck! why do I have to suffer myself like this? Why can't I just fucking get over it? Life is short, I should take my time to enjoy instead of wasting fucking time to think about this..." then, you just pretend nothing really bothers you, your friends said you are so optimistic and strong whatsoever. You vomit the shit out and back to a happy(/busy) person and rejoined the happy hippy's group(/workslave union). In short, you think you are over it.
However, when you relapse into this "nothing to think" symdrome again and again, and again... and you eating the same bag of vomit... again, and again, and again... You started to realise that you have actually never ever got over it, something should be done to get rid of that stale crap in the plastic bag, and it's not just simply close your eyes and pretend everything is fine - futile and temporary recuperation of one self. But the matter is, what you should do to make sure you can really get away this circular trap?
"My shadows the only one that walks beside me. My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating. Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me. 'Till then I'll walk alone..."
P.S. when a computer die, what you can do... is reboot.
[[audio: Green Day - Boulevard Of Broken Dreams]]
Have anyone ever have this feeling? Had a great fun in a big party, mingled with heaps friends and new people, walked out the party with few of your friends who go the same direction to home, grabbed food at mid-night, talked about funny people on the street, took the night ride bus with them.
And once you got off the bus, which is the point you separated with your friends, in other words, you are alone now. started walking home in the dark, well... most of the time you will think how cool the days you had; sometimes you think what you gonna do tomorrow; and there's always a time you think absolutely nothing.
The question is: When you think nothing, what are you thinking?
Feeling is horrible, horrible that you have nothing thinking in your head, I should put it this way, you are actually controlling yourself not to think certain things. This moment, when you thinking nothing, probably you have enough thinking about the good time you had, or maybe you are just too tired. (but I think you still think while you are tired) Thus, all you have left is the bad things, things that fuck you up and you have been trying not to think about it. ( I believe everyone must have one or two, you are super lucky if you have none, if you really have none.)
You had nothing to think, but all those bad things just flooded all over in your body. Is that a sign telling us maybe we shouldn't be too happy? If there's really have Karma that comes around goes around, perhaps we are damned. Thinking back all those shit, it was like tasting the vomit that you kept in the plastic bag. Sorry for being so graphical, but this is the point - it's digusting.
Sometimes you may think... "fuck! why do I have to suffer myself like this? Why can't I just fucking get over it? Life is short, I should take my time to enjoy instead of wasting fucking time to think about this..." then, you just pretend nothing really bothers you, your friends said you are so optimistic and strong whatsoever. You vomit the shit out and back to a happy(/busy) person and rejoined the happy hippy's group(/workslave union). In short, you think you are over it.
However, when you relapse into this "nothing to think" symdrome again and again, and again... and you eating the same bag of vomit... again, and again, and again... You started to realise that you have actually never ever got over it, something should be done to get rid of that stale crap in the plastic bag, and it's not just simply close your eyes and pretend everything is fine - futile and temporary recuperation of one self. But the matter is, what you should do to make sure you can really get away this circular trap?
"My shadows the only one that walks beside me. My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating. Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me. 'Till then I'll walk alone..."
P.S. when a computer die, what you can do... is reboot.
[[audio: Green Day - Boulevard Of Broken Dreams]]
